I imagine many of you are squirming in your seats as you read those words.

Why do we do that? What about…Elbow. Kneecap. Finger. Eyeball.

Just a hunch, but I don’t imagine those words gave you the same reactions. For some reason, the names of our body “Private” body parts, have become rather taboo to talk about. The title “Private” in reference to these body parts should never have applied to the mentioning of the anatomically correct titles of these parts, but instead should refer to the idea that they are ours, and not for others to touch, see, or make crude reference to without our consent.

Our society is full of hypocrisies, only one of which is this: Stop, you can’t say those words out loud, they are so inappropriate! …But wait! Why didn’t you tell anyone when you were sexually assaulted?!

I once went to a conference where they conducted an interesting social experiment, and I would like to pass it along. Take a moment, and think about your most recent intimate, consensual sexual encounter. Think about when it was, who it was with, where it took place, how it made you feel… Now how many of you want to come find me right now and tell me about it? I’m guessing most of you are grimacing even at the idea of doing so. With that logic, why is it that we fully expect that those who are sexually assaulted to immediately go and tell someone, and we are surprised when that doesn’t happen? If it is hard to speak about the most intimate details of a CONSENSUAL relationship, why do we expect those who did not give consent to speak so freely?

The good news is that we can work to change that, so victims and survivors will feel more empowered to disclose. There are many reasons a victim or survivor doesn’t immediately, if ever, disclose their sexual assault. Today I will focus on just one of those reasons – society’s fear of words.

When children are young, we often teach them goofy names for their genitalia, like “wee-wee” or “pooter”. Although probably unintentional, we are teaching children at a very young age to be ashamed of these body parts, rather than to be proud of the bodies they have.

Telling children they can’t say their body parts’ real names, and that they cannot talk about these parts of their bodies, we are teaching children that their bodies are bad. We are teaching them that there is something about these parts to should be ashamed of, something that is inappropriate about having these parts, which is just silly because everyone has them!

It is this societal influence that has kids playing the “Penis Game.” You may have seen this game referenced in 500 Days of Summer, played by the two main characters, or maybe your own children have even played it. For those of you who do not know what the “Penis Game” is, it is when a group of people, take turns saying (and gradually get louder to the point of yelling) the word “penis.” The point of this game is to test the public’s reaction to hearing this inappropriate word so bluntly, or to see how long they can go without getting in trouble. Of course, if kids were shouting “fingernail” at recess, the repercussions would generally be less severe.

If we are not comfortable talking about our body parts, how can we expect our children to be? And as our children grow older, they will continue to pass on that same fear and shame of their bodies. On the contrary, benefits come from teaching children at a young age the proper names for these body parts, as well as what is and is not appropriate in regards to them (such as the aforementioned touching, seeing, or making of crude comments without our consent).

Creating comfort and pride in our bodies is the first step in promoting disclosure, should some unfortunate sexual violence occur. Using anatomical names would also prove beneficial should an investigation take place. It is much easier for an investigator to clearly interpret, “he put his hand on my vagina,” as opposed to, “he touched my goodies.”

So when it comes down to it, what we should be teaching our kids is that they have body parts, called penises, vaginas, scrotums, vulvas, and anuses, not ho-has, he-haws, doo-dads, and unmentionables. Teach them to be proud of their whole bodies. If our children know that they can be proud of their bodies, they will be more likely to tell us when someone else disrespects them.

Wouldn’t it be nice if someday our kids will be just as likely to tell us about Jimmy pushing them down on the playground, as they would be to tell us that Jimmy touched their penis when they didn’t want them to?